Category: My Insights

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My Insights Observations

Disturbing thought provoking news..of a girl I hardly knew!

A girl in my office committed a suicide this Friday.

We received a condolence message on Saturday morning, my heart sank a bit but I came out of it in a few moments. I thought I will not remember it again. But it came back, again and again. I hardly knew her, just saw her doing make-up in the powder room few times. I was wondering what may have caused her death, and heard one of her friend talking it out loud that she committed suicide over a, break-up.

Suicide over a break-up with a guy, is it that simple to die?

I’m having a hard time getting it out of my head. It is difficult to realise that you never know who will be alive tomorrow and who won’t. It is scary to know that there exists a power beyond your brain which controls you. I am scared, I truly am. And extremely sad that people don’t have love around them to hold them back from doing something like this.

I know how a break-up makes you feel, its a phase which only some can survive from.

One guy who is the center of your universe till one moment, is just not there anymore. Your morning, afternoon, evening and night revolves around him. Your likes, dislikes, dreams, wishes, achievements, failures and practically everything is shaped up around him. He is your lover, elder brother, best friend, companion, saviour and partner in crime. He is one person who makes you who are. You just fucking don’t remember yourself without him, you just cant imagine yourself without him. And he is just not there anymore. He is just a shadow, a dream, an imaginary figure which doesn’t fit in your fingers, who is just an illusion when you try to take him close.

A part of you dies the day someone you love so much goes away for ever. You can never be that person again. You can never love the way you loved again. You can feel the hole in your heart, it will stay empty forever. It’s crazy, its horrible to be in such situation. But, what I also know is that you move on. You survive, you sail through, you live again. The emptiness remains but colours do get back in life.

Don’t know what she went through, don’t know why she did what she did. It is just so sad for the family and the lover who’s left behind. People left behind face the horrible destiny more than the one who dies. Irony of life and break-ups.

I always think that, one should be with a guy who grows to become your strength not your weakness. And yet, no matter how much you love someone – no guy is worth dieing for!

What can I say more, May her soul rest in peace!

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My Insights Observations

Acclimatization

Acclimatization
Source – Wikipedia, Google

Read this word on a travel website! We leave you to acclimatize with the climate for the rest of the day.. I felt as if there is a ring to this word. Acclimatize..Acclimatize..Acclimatize 😉

Really, don’t we all do this all the time? Try to acclimatize, from the constant changes in life to the changes inside you. Life as we know it, gives us away at many circumstances and how we deal with them is our process of acclimatization.

I remember going to the college away from my parents for the first time. Leaving the hostel every morning, walking down the small alley to the college building. All alien faces around, everyone with million colored clothes with another billion expressions on their faces. Walking down the campus roads all alone with a backpack and series of questions with blood rushing fast through the heart or brains (whatever it may be). I can still feel what I felt that time.

Being afraid, Being scared and Being excited are not so different things when you are standing at the beginning of the next chapter and at the end of being a child – safe, secure and cared for at home. Right from the climate to roads, from food to the taste, from hostel room to the rough bed, from strangers to people who stare, from a huge campus to the college kattas just everything was new and yet not so exciting or satisfying. I gotta admit, somehow I never liked any of that as much as I liked being with my parents and brother. So I guess I never quite got acclimatized to the whole staying away thing or the college thing.

Relevance of this word doesn’t end here. It reflects in everyday.

We play many roles in our life. People Change. You change. Situations change. Life changes every minute & all we try in our life is to Acclimatize. All the time. 

I told you there is a ring to this word, which just struck many chords.

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My Insights

My Blog Year 2014 – In review by gentle WordPress ;-)

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2014 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 1,200 times in 2014. If it were a cable car, it would take about 20 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

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My Insights

The Last Lear.. Movie that remains with you!

I am no actor or performer neither have I read Shakespeare’s plays. But I can understand the language! Language of expressions, tone of voice and the meaning hidden under the lines.

The Last LearThe Last Lear is a movie of a passionate eccentric and Old stage performer of Shakespeare’s plays and a contented rational director along with a Model turned actress struggling to make her way through acting and marriage both.

When I think about it, I am confused as to What I liked the most! The story or Amitabh Bacchchan’s performance or the minute elements in the story which made all the difference. I don’t know, I can’t categorize the movie based on any of this.

It is just splendid, wonderful, realistic, different, creative and has tremendous amount of depth. Not a single moment you realize that you are watching Hindi Film actors with Indian emotions in an English language movie. Every small detail is bang on – whether it is the Look of the actors or the locations and to every emotion they express.

The Last LearAmitabh Bacchchan’s work in The Last Lear is by far the best work I have seen at this age. He paints a picture of those Shakespeare’s scenes, he lives those characters and takes you there. It gets as real as it can get in a cinema. Love, Relationships, Friendship, Commitment, Dedication and Ultimate Passion; he literally tells the meaning of these words through his acting.

With this movie, I once again realized how one thing in life drives people. They are obsessed, passionate, crazy and living for that one thing. Its the source of inspiration and also a way of life. You just cant live any other way later on. It possesses you. Just like Paul walker, His passion was racing, he enjoyed it the most, he made it his work and hobby both, he loved it the most and unfortunately his end happened while racing. But that is the risk passionate people are ready to take, they are crazy enough to risk it all.

I wish, I am that sicknessly obsessed and passionate about something in my life ever.. I am longing for the day I discover my passion!

The Last Lear, this one’s gonna stay with me for long!

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Journey My Insights

It is September again..

It’s that time of the year again, month of September – my birthday month. This must be the first time I’m writing on the occasion of my birthday. What’s so special about this time? Nothing really.. It’s the past one year that has been special or rather eventful. Extremely eventful, so much so that at one point I felt the necessity of stagnant days.

I woke up today morning and somehow suddenly realized that its a birthday month and slowly all the events from past one year started appearing in front of my eyes. I am not so happy about how it went as I was at the most vulnerable self of mine. Just whisking away in the direction the wind was moving. But I also created some amazing things in my life, unleashed new side of my life that wasn’t explored before.

I started Dancing 🙂

Oh yes, I started dancing! I had this mind block about dancing  as long as I remember. I saw people around me eventually losing interest in dancing. One day, I found myself on the dance floor with my entire family and just did not look back. However I could, I just kept dancing for more than two hours with my besties. The moment of dancing with two best men in my life in unforgettable.

Since then, till today I have danced on few more occasions. Its funny how it works, when you start loving something you start getting more n more opportunities like that. I love it, I just love dancing now. I have always had this dream of learning Salsa, it definitely looks a real thing now 🙂

I kind of lost my best friends..

Ahh this is the most screwed part of the entire year probably, which kills me even today. Well by now, everyone who knows about me knows that I dont have much friends. I have just been like that since forever and I didn’t regret that fact till last year than before. Why? because your so called friends turn back on you and then you are left nowhere. With no one to talk, share or cry with.

Oh yes, I never believed it before but people only want the “GOOD part of YOU” nobody wants you when you are Cranky, Sad, Upset or specially Demanding. They don’t want you anymore because you are not behaving the same way as before. No one wants to change things around in that friendship and spend 10min on understanding what’s wrong but they are okay breaking, altering or leaving than just being there for you. I don’t leave, I cant. That’s not in my genes.

So I was left behind.. Feeling bad, lonely at the effect of how people make perceptions about you and change!

I learned a lesson, never be a Fool in Love..

Fools in love, are there any creatures more pathetic?
Fools in love, never knowing when they lost the game

Fools in love they think they’re heroes,
cos they get to feel no pain
I say fools in love are zeroes
I should know, I should know
Because this fool’s in love again – Inara George

Never think that, its going to stay the same way forever. Never depend on someone else for your happiness. You love too much is it, well its your problem!

I successfully pulled myself out of the Depression 🙂

This is the biggest achievement of the year by far! My family faced a lot in this period. I was as good as a ghost for many months. There but not quite. Thinking something else, talking something else. Shut in the home, not moving out. Not sharing, forget about having fun. Always crying. A laughter has to end with a cry. Just talking about leaving alone somewhere all the time. Talking of relocating alone somewhere all the time. Its not that I liked being depressed but I just could not understand what was going on. I wasn’t finding a way out of it.

But One day, I could see how people close to me were affected. And I just said, this is not how I’m repaying their contribution and love in my life. Then nothing could stop me till I broke the darkness.

I found the purpose of my life..

In a journey of Three months or so along with some unknown faces I went through a self-exploration journey, I found out the “Why” in my life. What Simon Sinek talks about in TED just doesn’t apply to businesses but I believe it also applies to our life. Why – Do – Have is the way to go in life.

I found that, the only passion and purpose of my life is “Making a Difference” in situations, in other peoples lives. What I do will only give me the satisfaction that I desire only when I work on my “Why”.

I became ONE with my family..

So much peace is back in life, I cant tell you. I am totally a different person because of this now. I went into the depth of every relation in my family and apologized where I needed to, created something new where I felt like and just involved them in smallest possible thing of my life. I took up being there biggest support and it has just changed the equation. All those small little voices irritating me have disappeared.

I love the air around my family.

I grew in my career..

I have been having big-time fall-outs in my career since last few years. But Last year was the golden year where I was totally in control of everything in my office. I learned so many new things, I produced revenue for the company, I created a responsible image of myself, I started working in niche sides of work where hardly anyone works, I kept myself away from the controversies and overcame all obstacles that came my way. I gained respect and experience like never before.

Whats next? Still figuring it out, but I will get there. As my dad always says, “You gotta keep on jumping to see whats on the other side”. I will.

I explored some beautiful desires of mine 🙂 🙂

Somewhere in that three month journey I started believing in my dreams. How crazy and unreal they might be, I started loving them. I started loving myself, which I thought was impossible before.IMG_20140727_073253

One of the things I am currently reading “Eat, Pray, Love” Elizabeth Gilbert has mesmerized me totally. I feel like I have lived every moment that Liz talks about. Now..

All I wanna do now is Go to Rome , alone or not I don’t know but I wanna see those places that she experienced of.

I also want to go on a Solo trip somewhere, I am still scared of it but now my passion for going is overpowering the fear of it.

I also want to go on a Writing workshop somewhere Out of India. I want to explore the world beyond through my experiences, my writing and set new standards for pleasures in my life.

I want to start my novel. I believe I cant write about characters, but I want to overcome that.

I guess this much eventfulness in the year is enough to speak about 😉 or else I may have turn this year into a novel. When i started this blog, I was shit interested in celebrating my birthday. But now, I am back baby! I want to celebrate my birthday just like always…

This one’s definitely dedicated to my family, the warriors of my life!

And yes how could I forget.. Modiji won the election this year!

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Journey My Insights

Tattooing with Happiness..

Birds, Symbols, Stars, Eagles, Fishes, Doves, Smileys, Names, Quotes! Out of all this I chose to write “Happiness” on my right hand.

Happiness with a heart around it – Inked for life!

IMG_20140629_134839_edit_editIt was a big step, a very big one. Well a girl like me talking about permanent tattoo must have given a cultural shock to many. And to my Family? Family full of doctors, very well educated-cultured, doing social work kind of people and their daughter walks up-to them about getting a tattoo done. Don’t know what my parents must have felt but they accepted it very well. May be they saw that I wanted it bad. May be they could sense the feeling I have about the tattoo.

But frankly more than anyone else being surprised, I am surprised with my move. One day I had this intense passionate feeling about getting a tattoo done, I did some brainstorming on why I want it, I looked for options on the same day , I started working on the design in next few days and before a month was complete I had a Tattoo on my hand.

While traveling alone for 4hours to get a tattoo done, I realized how committed I am about it. How important is it for me to dedicate this. I realized how much love, relationships and happiness I get out of it matters to me. I realized my center of universe is my people in my life.

Why Happiness

My friend pinged me the other day and asked “Why Happiness”.. my immediate response was its “dedicated to the one/s who have given me sheer happiness in my life. Its like the puzzle of my life got completed with the presence of that happiness.”

And I was like WOW.. Was I this crystal clear about my tattoo before getting it done? Well yes, it was only lying behind the crazy enthusiasm to get it done!

I am originally a very emotional person, small things, big things they all affect me. As much as I am leading my life with a bang, I also get into depression that fast. So this Happiness will remind me that its not the end of the world, some people love you unconditionally.

Everyone has their own version of Happiness. We choose to define something as happiness and it becomes that. I totally believe that now..

To my source of happiness.. Thank you, I’m loving it..

 

 

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Journey My Insights

Freedom from Have To’s…

I’m a girl with specifications and preferences! As much as it is difficult for people to put up with me, its more painful for me at times. I have so many expectations from myself that I am living under some kind of pressure always. I have to reach somewhere at all times. Some work is incomplete no matter what 😦

While I was listening to my coach talk to someone yesterday, I realized my major source of restlessness and dissatisfaction comes from the desire to Be Perfect in any case. Perfect at workplace, at home while doing household chores, while talking to someone, in all my relationships whether it be Family or Friends , or even while writing a blog. I have to be perfect even while messaging someone or even putting a status on Facebook. How insane is that!

video-undefined-1D6F71A200000578-763_636x358How will I or anyone in the world be perfect always? Theoretically I clearly know that its impossible. But how many times can I implement this concept? Hardly few times!

 

Its so automatic need to be Perfect that it runs my life. It puts me into difficult conditions where I have to multitask so much that I forget few things to be done, my quality of work decreases, people around me always see me running around and unsettled. It drains the energy out of me where nothing creative or entertaining can be even thought of. Even the choice of movies that I see have to perfect – filled with Sense, Good story, Good message and great actors, if not then it leaves me in discomfort. Novels that I choose have to be connecting, worth cherishing, leaving some impact, which has good language flare if not then I declare it useless and don’t read them.

Talking about love interests, Ahh I only choose the one who is Gem of  a person and has the ability to be the best in all areas of his life! and when I’m in love , relationship gets old and I start seeing some errors then the whole new level of struggle starts. For him and me both.

No wonder people connected to me keep on saying you are too attached to this Don’t be. You are expecting a bit too much, don’t do that. People complain and complain and complain about my intimidation, over-caring and expecting perfectness but the complains don’t reach my ears many times. As I don’t get time from being Perfect myself!

i am enoughThis realization hit me right on my face like and tears started rolling down. I understood how much impact it has on my life in Career, with relationships or my aspirations just everywhere. Being Perfect is my identity or personality since last 25 years its not going to go anywhere. But If I’m aware of this most of the times of the day then I will be able Be Sane as much as possible 😉  and my quality of life will improve for sure.

Now, I am going to be free of all the HAVE TO’S I put on myself. I am going to have the freedom of choosing to do or not do certain things. I am ready to let go of things that are not working out after a point, rather than using all my energy to trying to fix it. Putting myself and others in jeopardy isn’t going to give me any fulfillment in life.

So I am choosing the freedom from Have To’s today! Sighhh…of relief !

 

 

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My Insights

What Modiji really did to us..Respect!

While tweeting on @mrunmayeeap all afternoon today, I realized few things that Modi and his stand did to us..

A year back I was a girl who used to say, who cares who is leading the country. Nothing can change in this country, its going to go like that. My average duration in a week to watch News was hardly 10min on TV and half an hour everyday in newspapers. I snapped at everyone who saw News for  a longtime, I snapped at my family for irritating me with watching News debates on TV. I am not a teenager, but my attitude towards country’s politics was always like that.

Then BJP declared Modiji as PM candidate and things started changing. I started hearing statements like “If Modi wins, I’m telling you things will change” “If he gets elected, we have some hope” “I hope he wins, he will straighten these idiots”. My ears let it sink it one by one. Then people started talking about his speeches and the way he talks. Then people started talking about his clear goals, his cut-throat action plans, his straight-forward questions. Then people started following his tweets, articles written about him. Then people started trending about him, started writing about him on facebook, started promoting him on whatsapp, started speaking good about him in public. Then people started tracking his progress on his propositions, how he reacts to allegations done against him. Then people skipped dinner plans to watch his interviews in Aap ki Adalat etc. Then people started tracking his Sabha’s city after city, the speeches he made, the popularity he got, the total number of public that he drew.

facebook-20140518-143230

If you are following me then you would see how the interest levels changed. We, specially the cynical uninterested generation like me could not resist but follow him. He knew somewhere we have goodness in our hearts and love for the country, he just channelized that thought. He just kept on repeating and repeating his intentions of growth and governance so many times that we started coming out of our resentment about the government. We always spoke about bad things happening around, suddenly we started talking about what Good can happen. We started talking about possibilities of happiness, good times, better opportunities, secure country and strong leadership. We started living the dream that he himself lives.

And on the day of voting unlike all previous years, there was a NaMo wave in the air. Everyone was excited to vote. Companies gave holidays to employees in order to vote. And people voted more than any year before. They tweeted, posted, instagrammed everywhere about voting.

Then on the day of Election results while looking at the scoreboards and the Orange color spread over entire country, everyone realized that not only I voted for NaMo my family, my neighbor, my boss, my colleagues, my reportees, my friends every person I know voted for him.

HE ACTUALLY DID HIS FIRST JOB OF BEING A PRIME MINISTER EVEN BEFORE BEING ONE. HE GOT US UNITED TO VOTE FOR STRONG LEADERSHIP AND HOPE FOR BETTER INDIA.

We became sensitive towards our love for the country. We realized our duties for the country. We started talking positive of the country. We started believing once again.

Now waiting for our Prime Minister Elect Mr. Narendra Modi to take control and lead it to the growth. Three cheers for Growth, Prosperity, Peace and Harmony!

Thanks to Modiji, once again feeling of being an Indian is as alive as it ever was!

 

 

 

 

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My Insights Observations

Valentines Day..Uff not again!

Seriously, who created this day! The much I thank god for creating Birthdays , is the much I hate whoever created Valentines day!

Its been many years I have been In love, experienced many forms of love and shared lovely relationships..But boy this day is definitely over-hyped than any other celebrations..

I always face a profound battle between my girly expectations and practical thinking.

To clarify it more .. I badly expect my lover to plan for everything and making me feel like princess, getting roses and chocolate cake and a gift and telling me how much he loves me, how much he wants me in his life and trust me the list has few more pointers… 😉

CelebrateValentines_DayChocolate_freecomputerdesktopwallpaper_2560But at the same time I think, what bullshit is this? its a normal everyday sort of day. I already know he loves me, he says that everyday, I already know how much he wants me in his life, he doesn’t need to get roses, gifts and plan a lavish evening to tell me that, he already takes care of me so well; I don’t need to be felt like princess just for one day.. and it goes on..

But I know myself very well.. No matter how practically I think, I would still expect him to meet me, make plans with me and make the evening special..

After experiencing the same dilemma every year, facing good & bad valentines day, overwhelming happiness & utter disappointments and realization, I believe its time to really dig into this.

Expectations and disappointments are not new to anyone. But why expect so much on this bloody valentine’s day! I did some so called thinking.. I think there is something beyond feeling special that you expect that day. We live in a very volatile & unsteady world which is a huge hiccup in our romantic relationships. Catching-up, roaming around, sharing with each other, having someone around when you need, doing what you like together etc. all of this has become very rare. You really have to try and take efforts to be with each other to spend some quality time. And everything you do comes with a expiry duration tag.

I think on that ONE day, you want that piece of your quality time, feel of early days of relationship , freedom from worries of work & money and just some rosy time with your loved one. Its probably the Rightful day that has gotten created, for the two people to get along and speak about them , their future, their plans and their relationship. Its one day , when the two people hold hands and plan what happens next with them.

Its Sweet, Pure , Genuine and Romantic!

But one should never wait for other person to plan. Initiating to make the evening special is not over-hyped at all, its nice and might not lead to disappointments. Expectations are good but waiting for someone to take an action  and letting it lead to disappointment & fight is definitely not good for any relationship.

So this valentines day I have decided to Expect with my full heart and plan.. Whatever happens, I already know he loves me.. ;););)

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My Insights

Wohhoo! its feels great to be back here..

Somewhere in last few months, i reduced writing! I was thinking why that happened..

I just realized I write when I’m emotionally composed. I cherish writing as a hobby it comes to me naturally.When relationships, friendships, work, feeling of being contented and career growth are going well (hand-in-hand) then I’m composed. Or else I behave like a disoriented child who doesn’t have a clue of whats happening around 😉

So that suggests that now I’m sort of living the best time of life..

Seriously what else one needs in life.. A loving & understanding husband, an always there kind of best-friend, few good friends , gradual career growth, getting to work on new things , getting to learn new things, earning enough (but not enough) and most importantly rock solid support & love by family!

Shakkkyyy  -> More Shakkkyyy -> Getting Better -> Stabilizing ————-> Stable

Last 3-4 years, I realize now how its shaped. I’m still at Stabilizing mode, but hope to cross that phase soon.

So I’m going to write more.. More about my experiences, my friends, my work experiences and relationships.. Yesterday a friend of mine insisted that I should not stop writing and here I am thanks to her !

Yo 2014!