I’m a girl with specifications and preferences! As much as it is difficult for people to put up with me, its more painful for me at times. I have so many expectations from myself that I am living under some kind of pressure always. I have to reach somewhere at all times. Some work is incomplete no matter what 😦
While I was listening to my coach talk to someone yesterday, I realized my major source of restlessness and dissatisfaction comes from the desire to Be Perfect in any case. Perfect at workplace, at home while doing household chores, while talking to someone, in all my relationships whether it be Family or Friends , or even while writing a blog. I have to be perfect even while messaging someone or even putting a status on Facebook. How insane is that!
How will I or anyone in the world be perfect always? Theoretically I clearly know that its impossible. But how many times can I implement this concept? Hardly few times!
Its so automatic need to be Perfect that it runs my life. It puts me into difficult conditions where I have to multitask so much that I forget few things to be done, my quality of work decreases, people around me always see me running around and unsettled. It drains the energy out of me where nothing creative or entertaining can be even thought of. Even the choice of movies that I see have to perfect – filled with Sense, Good story, Good message and great actors, if not then it leaves me in discomfort. Novels that I choose have to be connecting, worth cherishing, leaving some impact, which has good language flare if not then I declare it useless and don’t read them.
Talking about love interests, Ahh I only choose the one who is Gem of a person and has the ability to be the best in all areas of his life! and when I’m in love , relationship gets old and I start seeing some errors then the whole new level of struggle starts. For him and me both.
No wonder people connected to me keep on saying you are too attached to this Don’t be. You are expecting a bit too much, don’t do that. People complain and complain and complain about my intimidation, over-caring and expecting perfectness but the complains don’t reach my ears many times. As I don’t get time from being Perfect myself!
This realization hit me right on my face like and tears started rolling down. I understood how much impact it has on my life in Career, with relationships or my aspirations just everywhere. Being Perfect is my identity or personality since last 25 years its not going to go anywhere. But If I’m aware of this most of the times of the day then I will be able Be Sane as much as possible 😉 and my quality of life will improve for sure.
Now, I am going to be free of all the HAVE TO’S I put on myself. I am going to have the freedom of choosing to do or not do certain things. I am ready to let go of things that are not working out after a point, rather than using all my energy to trying to fix it. Putting myself and others in jeopardy isn’t going to give me any fulfillment in life.
So I am choosing the freedom from Have To’s today! Sighhh…of relief !