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Journey My Insights

It is September again..

It’s that time of the year again, month of September – my birthday month. This must be the first time I’m writing on the occasion of my birthday. What’s so special about this time? Nothing really.. It’s the past one year that has been special or rather eventful. Extremely eventful, so much so that at one point I felt the necessity of stagnant days.

I woke up today morning and somehow suddenly realized that its a birthday month and slowly all the events from past one year started appearing in front of my eyes. I am not so happy about how it went as I was at the most vulnerable self of mine. Just whisking away in the direction the wind was moving. But I also created some amazing things in my life, unleashed new side of my life that wasn’t explored before.

I started Dancing ๐Ÿ™‚

Oh yes, I started dancing! I had this mind block about dancingย  as long as I remember. I saw people around me eventually losing interest in dancing. One day, I found myself on the dance floor with my entire family and just did not look back. However I could, I just kept dancing for more than two hours with my besties. The moment of dancing with two best men in my life in unforgettable.

Since then, till today I have danced on few more occasions. Its funny how it works, when you start loving something you start getting more n more opportunities like that. I love it, I just love dancing now. I have always had this dream of learning Salsa, it definitely looks a real thing now ๐Ÿ™‚

I kind of lost my best friends..

Ahh this is the most screwed part of the entire year probably, which kills me even today. Well by now, everyone who knows about me knows that I dont have much friends. I have just been like that since forever and I didn’t regret that fact till last year than before. Why? because your so called friends turn back on you and then you are left nowhere. With no one to talk, share or cry with.

Oh yes, I never believed it before but people only want the “GOOD part of YOU” nobody wants you when you are Cranky, Sad, Upset or specially Demanding. They don’t want you anymore because you are not behaving the same way as before. No one wants to change things around in that friendship and spend 10min on understanding what’s wrong but they are okay breaking, altering or leaving than just being there for you. I don’t leave, I cant. That’s not in my genes.

So I was left behind.. Feeling bad, lonely at the effect of how people make perceptions about you and change!

I learned a lesson, never be a Fool in Love..

Fools in love, are there any creatures more pathetic?
Fools in love, never knowing when they lost the game

Fools in love they think they’re heroes,
cos they get to feel no pain
I say fools in love are zeroes
I should know, I should know
Because this fool’s in love again – Inara George

Never think that, its going to stay the same way forever. Never depend on someone else for your happiness. You love too much is it, well its your problem!

I successfully pulled myself out of the Depression ๐Ÿ™‚

This is the biggest achievement of the year by far! My family faced a lot in this period. I was as good as a ghost for many months. There but not quite. Thinking something else, talking something else. Shut in the home, not moving out. Not sharing, forget about having fun. Always crying. A laughter has to end with a cry. Just talking about leaving alone somewhere all the time. Talking of relocating alone somewhere all the time. Its not that I liked being depressed but I just could not understand what was going on. I wasn’t finding a way out of it.

But One day, I could see how people close to me were affected. And I just said, this is not how I’m repaying their contribution and love in my life. Then nothing could stop me till I broke the darkness.

I found the purpose of my life..

In a journey of Three months or so along with some unknown faces I went through a self-exploration journey, I found out the “Why” in my life. What Simon Sinek talks about in TED just doesn’t apply to businesses but I believe it also applies to our life. Why – Do – Have is the way to go in life.

I found that, the only passion and purpose of my life is “Making a Difference” in situations, in other peoples lives. What I do will only give me the satisfaction that I desire only when I work on my “Why”.

I became ONE with my family..

So much peace is back in life, I cant tell you. I am totally a different person because of this now. I went into the depth of every relation in my family and apologized where I needed to, created something new where I felt like and just involved them in smallest possible thing of my life. I took up being there biggest support and it has just changed the equation. All those small little voices irritating me have disappeared.

I love the air around my family.

I grew in my career..

I have been having big-time fall-outs in my career since last few years. But Last year was the golden year where I was totally in control of everything in my office. I learned so many new things, I produced revenue for the company, I created a responsible image of myself, I started working in niche sides of work where hardly anyone works, I kept myself away from the controversies and overcame all obstacles that came my way. I gained respect and experience like never before.

Whats next? Still figuring it out, but I will get there. As my dad always says, “You gotta keep on jumping to see whats on the other side”. I will.

I explored some beautiful desires of mine ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚

Somewhere in that three month journey I started believing in my dreams. How crazy and unreal they might be, I started loving them. I started loving myself, which I thought was impossible before.IMG_20140727_073253

One of the things I am currently reading “Eat, Pray, Love” Elizabeth Gilbert has mesmerized me totally. I feel like I have lived every moment that Liz talks about. Now..

All I wanna do now is Go to Rome , alone or not I don’t know but I wanna see those places that she experienced of.

I also want to go on a Solo trip somewhere, I am still scared of it but now my passion for going is overpowering the fear of it.

I also want to go on a Writing workshop somewhere Out of India. I want to explore the world beyond through my experiences, my writing and set new standards for pleasures in my life.

I want to start my novel. I believe I cant write about characters, but I want to overcome that.

I guess this much eventfulness in the year is enough to speak about ๐Ÿ˜‰ or else I may have turn this year into a novel. When i started this blog, I was shit interested in celebrating my birthday. But now, I am back baby! I want to celebrate my birthday just like always…

This one’s definitely dedicated to my family, the warriors of my life!

And yes how could I forget.. Modiji won the election this year!

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Journey My Insights

Freedom from Have To’s…

I’m a girl with specifications and preferences! As much as it is difficult for people to put up with me, its more painful for me at times. I have so many expectations from myself that I am living under some kind of pressure always. I have to reach somewhere at all times. Some work is incomplete no matter what ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

While I was listening to my coach talk to someone yesterday, I realized my major source of restlessness and dissatisfaction comes from the desire to Be Perfect in any case. Perfect at workplace, at home while doing household chores, while talking to someone, in all my relationships whether it be Family or Friends , or even while writing a blog. I have to be perfect even while messaging someone or even putting a status on Facebook. How insane is that!

video-undefined-1D6F71A200000578-763_636x358How will I or anyone in the world be perfect always? Theoretically I clearly know that its impossible. But how many times can I implement this concept? Hardly few times!

 

Its so automatic need to be Perfect that it runs my life. It puts me into difficult conditions where I have to multitask so much that I forget few things to be done, my quality of work decreases, people around me always see me running around and unsettled. It drains the energy out of me where nothing creative or entertaining can be even thought of. Even the choice of movies that I see have to perfect – filled with Sense, Good story, Good message and great actors, if not then it leaves me in discomfort. Novels that I choose have to be connecting, worth cherishing, leaving some impact, which has good language flare if not then I declare it useless and don’t read them.

Talking about love interests, Ahh I only choose the one who is Gem ofย  a person and has the ability to be the best in all areas of his life! and when I’m in love , relationship gets old and I start seeing some errors then the whole new level of struggle starts. For him and me both.

No wonder people connected to me keep on saying you are too attached to this Don’t be. You are expecting a bit too much, don’t do that. People complain and complain and complain about my intimidation, over-caring and expecting perfectness but the complains don’t reach my ears many times. As I don’t get time from being Perfect myself!

i am enoughThis realization hit me right on my face like and tears started rolling down. I understood how much impact it has on my life in Career, with relationships or my aspirations just everywhere. Being Perfect is my identity or personality since last 25 years its not going to go anywhere. But If I’m aware of this most of the times of the day then I will be able Be Sane as much as possible ๐Ÿ˜‰ย  and my quality of life will improve for sure.

Now, I am going to be free of all the HAVE TO’S I put on myself. I am going to have the freedom of choosing to do or not do certain things. I am ready to let go of things that are not working out after a point, rather than using all my energy to trying to fix it. Putting myself and others in jeopardy isn’t going to give me any fulfillment in life.

So I am choosing the freedom from Have To’s today! Sighhh…of relief !

 

 

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My Insights

Wohhoo! its feels great to be back here..

Somewhere in last few months, i reduced writing! I was thinking why that happened..

I just realized I write when I’m emotionally composed. I cherish writing as a hobby it comes to me naturally.When relationships, friendships, work, feeling of being contented and career growth are going well (hand-in-hand) then I’m composed. Or else I behave like a disoriented child who doesn’t have a clue of whats happening around ๐Ÿ˜‰

So that suggests that now I’m sort of living the best time of life..

Seriously what else one needs in life.. A loving & understanding husband, an always there kind of best-friend, few good friends , gradual career growth, getting to work on new things , getting to learn new things, earning enough (but not enough) and most importantly rock solid support & love by family!

Shakkkyyyย  -> More Shakkkyyy -> Getting Better -> Stabilizing ————-> Stable

Last 3-4 years, I realize now how its shaped. I’m still at Stabilizing mode, but hope to cross that phase soon.

So I’m going to write more.. More about my experiences, my friends, my work experiences and relationships.. Yesterday a friend of mine insisted that I should not stop writing and here I am thanks to her !

Yo 2014!