Category: My Insights

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Journey My Insights

Tattooing with Happiness..

Birds, Symbols, Stars, Eagles, Fishes, Doves, Smileys, Names, Quotes! Out of all this I chose to write “Happiness” on my right hand.

Happiness with a heart around it – Inked for life!

IMG_20140629_134839_edit_editIt was a big step, a very big one. Well a girl like me talking about permanent tattoo must have given a cultural shock to many. And to my Family? Family full of doctors, very well educated-cultured, doing social work kind of people and their daughter walks up-to them about getting a tattoo done. Don’t know what my parents must have felt but they accepted it very well. May be they saw that I wanted it bad. May be they could sense the feeling I have about the tattoo.

But frankly more than anyone else being surprised, I am surprised with my move. One day I had this intense passionate feeling about getting a tattoo done, I did some brainstorming on why I want it, I looked for options on the same day , I started working on the design in next few days and before a month was complete I had a Tattoo on my hand.

While traveling alone for 4hours to get a tattoo done, I realized how committed I am about it. How important is it for me to dedicate this. I realized how much love, relationships and happiness I get out of it matters to me. I realized my center of universe is my people in my life.

Why Happiness

My friend pinged me the other day and asked “Why Happiness”.. my immediate response was its “dedicated to the one/s who have given me sheer happiness in my life. Its like the puzzle of my life got completed with the presence of that happiness.”

And I was like WOW.. Was I this crystal clear about my tattoo before getting it done? Well yes, it was only lying behind the crazy enthusiasm to get it done!

I am originally a very emotional person, small things, big things they all affect me. As much as I am leading my life with a bang, I also get into depression that fast. So this Happiness will remind me that its not the end of the world, some people love you unconditionally.

Everyone has their own version of Happiness. We choose to define something as happiness and it becomes that. I totally believe that now..

To my source of happiness.. Thank you, I’m loving it..

 

 

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Journey My Insights

Freedom from Have To’s…

I’m a girl with specifications and preferences! As much as it is difficult for people to put up with me, its more painful for me at times. I have so many expectations from myself that I am living under some kind of pressure always. I have to reach somewhere at all times. Some work is incomplete no matter what 😦

While I was listening to my coach talk to someone yesterday, I realized my major source of restlessness and dissatisfaction comes from the desire to Be Perfect in any case. Perfect at workplace, at home while doing household chores, while talking to someone, in all my relationships whether it be Family or Friends , or even while writing a blog. I have to be perfect even while messaging someone or even putting a status on Facebook. How insane is that!

video-undefined-1D6F71A200000578-763_636x358How will I or anyone in the world be perfect always? Theoretically I clearly know that its impossible. But how many times can I implement this concept? Hardly few times!

 

Its so automatic need to be Perfect that it runs my life. It puts me into difficult conditions where I have to multitask so much that I forget few things to be done, my quality of work decreases, people around me always see me running around and unsettled. It drains the energy out of me where nothing creative or entertaining can be even thought of. Even the choice of movies that I see have to perfect – filled with Sense, Good story, Good message and great actors, if not then it leaves me in discomfort. Novels that I choose have to be connecting, worth cherishing, leaving some impact, which has good language flare if not then I declare it useless and don’t read them.

Talking about love interests, Ahh I only choose the one who is Gem of  a person and has the ability to be the best in all areas of his life! and when I’m in love , relationship gets old and I start seeing some errors then the whole new level of struggle starts. For him and me both.

No wonder people connected to me keep on saying you are too attached to this Don’t be. You are expecting a bit too much, don’t do that. People complain and complain and complain about my intimidation, over-caring and expecting perfectness but the complains don’t reach my ears many times. As I don’t get time from being Perfect myself!

i am enoughThis realization hit me right on my face like and tears started rolling down. I understood how much impact it has on my life in Career, with relationships or my aspirations just everywhere. Being Perfect is my identity or personality since last 25 years its not going to go anywhere. But If I’m aware of this most of the times of the day then I will be able Be Sane as much as possible 😉  and my quality of life will improve for sure.

Now, I am going to be free of all the HAVE TO’S I put on myself. I am going to have the freedom of choosing to do or not do certain things. I am ready to let go of things that are not working out after a point, rather than using all my energy to trying to fix it. Putting myself and others in jeopardy isn’t going to give me any fulfillment in life.

So I am choosing the freedom from Have To’s today! Sighhh…of relief !

 

 

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My Insights

What Modiji really did to us..Respect!

While tweeting on @mrunmayeeap all afternoon today, I realized few things that Modi and his stand did to us..

A year back I was a girl who used to say, who cares who is leading the country. Nothing can change in this country, its going to go like that. My average duration in a week to watch News was hardly 10min on TV and half an hour everyday in newspapers. I snapped at everyone who saw News for  a longtime, I snapped at my family for irritating me with watching News debates on TV. I am not a teenager, but my attitude towards country’s politics was always like that.

Then BJP declared Modiji as PM candidate and things started changing. I started hearing statements like “If Modi wins, I’m telling you things will change” “If he gets elected, we have some hope” “I hope he wins, he will straighten these idiots”. My ears let it sink it one by one. Then people started talking about his speeches and the way he talks. Then people started talking about his clear goals, his cut-throat action plans, his straight-forward questions. Then people started following his tweets, articles written about him. Then people started trending about him, started writing about him on facebook, started promoting him on whatsapp, started speaking good about him in public. Then people started tracking his progress on his propositions, how he reacts to allegations done against him. Then people skipped dinner plans to watch his interviews in Aap ki Adalat etc. Then people started tracking his Sabha’s city after city, the speeches he made, the popularity he got, the total number of public that he drew.

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If you are following me then you would see how the interest levels changed. We, specially the cynical uninterested generation like me could not resist but follow him. He knew somewhere we have goodness in our hearts and love for the country, he just channelized that thought. He just kept on repeating and repeating his intentions of growth and governance so many times that we started coming out of our resentment about the government. We always spoke about bad things happening around, suddenly we started talking about what Good can happen. We started talking about possibilities of happiness, good times, better opportunities, secure country and strong leadership. We started living the dream that he himself lives.

And on the day of voting unlike all previous years, there was a NaMo wave in the air. Everyone was excited to vote. Companies gave holidays to employees in order to vote. And people voted more than any year before. They tweeted, posted, instagrammed everywhere about voting.

Then on the day of Election results while looking at the scoreboards and the Orange color spread over entire country, everyone realized that not only I voted for NaMo my family, my neighbor, my boss, my colleagues, my reportees, my friends every person I know voted for him.

HE ACTUALLY DID HIS FIRST JOB OF BEING A PRIME MINISTER EVEN BEFORE BEING ONE. HE GOT US UNITED TO VOTE FOR STRONG LEADERSHIP AND HOPE FOR BETTER INDIA.

We became sensitive towards our love for the country. We realized our duties for the country. We started talking positive of the country. We started believing once again.

Now waiting for our Prime Minister Elect Mr. Narendra Modi to take control and lead it to the growth. Three cheers for Growth, Prosperity, Peace and Harmony!

Thanks to Modiji, once again feeling of being an Indian is as alive as it ever was!

 

 

 

 

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My Insights Observations

Valentines Day..Uff not again!

Seriously, who created this day! The much I thank god for creating Birthdays , is the much I hate whoever created Valentines day!

Its been many years I have been In love, experienced many forms of love and shared lovely relationships..But boy this day is definitely over-hyped than any other celebrations..

I always face a profound battle between my girly expectations and practical thinking.

To clarify it more .. I badly expect my lover to plan for everything and making me feel like princess, getting roses and chocolate cake and a gift and telling me how much he loves me, how much he wants me in his life and trust me the list has few more pointers… 😉

CelebrateValentines_DayChocolate_freecomputerdesktopwallpaper_2560But at the same time I think, what bullshit is this? its a normal everyday sort of day. I already know he loves me, he says that everyday, I already know how much he wants me in his life, he doesn’t need to get roses, gifts and plan a lavish evening to tell me that, he already takes care of me so well; I don’t need to be felt like princess just for one day.. and it goes on..

But I know myself very well.. No matter how practically I think, I would still expect him to meet me, make plans with me and make the evening special..

After experiencing the same dilemma every year, facing good & bad valentines day, overwhelming happiness & utter disappointments and realization, I believe its time to really dig into this.

Expectations and disappointments are not new to anyone. But why expect so much on this bloody valentine’s day! I did some so called thinking.. I think there is something beyond feeling special that you expect that day. We live in a very volatile & unsteady world which is a huge hiccup in our romantic relationships. Catching-up, roaming around, sharing with each other, having someone around when you need, doing what you like together etc. all of this has become very rare. You really have to try and take efforts to be with each other to spend some quality time. And everything you do comes with a expiry duration tag.

I think on that ONE day, you want that piece of your quality time, feel of early days of relationship , freedom from worries of work & money and just some rosy time with your loved one. Its probably the Rightful day that has gotten created, for the two people to get along and speak about them , their future, their plans and their relationship. Its one day , when the two people hold hands and plan what happens next with them.

Its Sweet, Pure , Genuine and Romantic!

But one should never wait for other person to plan. Initiating to make the evening special is not over-hyped at all, its nice and might not lead to disappointments. Expectations are good but waiting for someone to take an action  and letting it lead to disappointment & fight is definitely not good for any relationship.

So this valentines day I have decided to Expect with my full heart and plan.. Whatever happens, I already know he loves me.. ;););)

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My Insights

Wohhoo! its feels great to be back here..

Somewhere in last few months, i reduced writing! I was thinking why that happened..

I just realized I write when I’m emotionally composed. I cherish writing as a hobby it comes to me naturally.When relationships, friendships, work, feeling of being contented and career growth are going well (hand-in-hand) then I’m composed. Or else I behave like a disoriented child who doesn’t have a clue of whats happening around 😉

So that suggests that now I’m sort of living the best time of life..

Seriously what else one needs in life.. A loving & understanding husband, an always there kind of best-friend, few good friends , gradual career growth, getting to work on new things , getting to learn new things, earning enough (but not enough) and most importantly rock solid support & love by family!

Shakkkyyy  -> More Shakkkyyy -> Getting Better -> Stabilizing ————-> Stable

Last 3-4 years, I realize now how its shaped. I’m still at Stabilizing mode, but hope to cross that phase soon.

So I’m going to write more.. More about my experiences, my friends, my work experiences and relationships.. Yesterday a friend of mine insisted that I should not stop writing and here I am thanks to her !

Yo 2014!

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My Insights

Wants…they trick us into going on!!

What do i want? What is it that i really want?

Every time i ask this question to myself, i get a different answer. The voice inside my mind says…

I wanna be free, i wanna travel the world alone and live the way i want, i wanna be successful like others, i wanna take revenge on that one person,  i wanna fulfill every dream of my father, i wanna help others, i wanna be selfless and just devote myself to some great work, i wanna turn back time and be in that moment again, i wanna break-free and re-do everything, i wanna earn loads of money, i wanna marry that one person, i wanna be reckless, i want a shoulder to cry on, i wanna be a writer, i wanna be something different than others, i wanna show the world how much i love him, i wanna cross all limits n show him how much i love him, i wanna break all rules n be on top of my world, i want family, i wanna have my everyday different, i wanna learn dancing, i wanna be beautiful, i wanna take decisions based on what i feel, i wanna be inspiration to others, i wanna set an example, i wanna be careless about future, i wanna do everything in the world to make him happy and i want my death-life decision in my hands….

Oh bugger, i bet the list can go on and on. there is no end to this. Its like I can feel there is one more person inside my head who speaks, thinks, argues, comments and complaints every bloody moment. I wish so many times; what if i wish i had not wanted anything, what if i had been a person with minimum expectations from life, others and myself. then probably this war happening inside would have rested for a moment.

But i guess that’s not gonna happen. I’m gonna keep wanting. I’m gonna keep trying for it. I’m gonna keep getting disappointed. I’m gonna keep failing and succeeding and then again some days down the line i will be sipping a cup of coffee, thinking about myself and feeling screwed up while trying to figure whats happening; i will take a pen and start writing about what i feel. and then it goes on..

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My Insights

Am I a blogging material ?

No I dont think so.

What qualities do you need to be a blogger or a writer ? Probably good vocabulary, own flare of writing, humor once in a while, ability to connect dots, great concepts, passion to write, capability to paint a picture and last but not least you should stick around till you finish your own blog..

Do i have these qualities? Hell no..I believe I have 10% chances of being able to be a blogger in my entire life let alone a popular one..

Then why am i blogging? i asked this question to myself million times.. and the only answer that i got is..Because i want to “express”..

” Express what?” about your everyday life, mistakes that I made recently, momentary happiness I got, failures which made me look like a fool or love that I have for people..

After a lot thinking and cursing myself for writing something which might not make sense to probably even a single human being on this earth..I decided to write..For myself..For my own sake..For expressing my views on things happening around..For letting out my anger..For gaining energy to go on..For loving the people around me..For showing a way to my experiences…

” Writing just to express”..anything at all!

Do you think it makes sense? Do you think we should use writing as a tool to feel happy?