And Emptiness Creeps in..

What Can I say! It just does.. No matter what, you just cant control it at times!

Well all relationships are going strong, work is good, goals & aspirations are in front, people are appreciating everything I do… Everything seems to be almost perfect. But somewhere something is missing. Unless I meet this missing, I will be vulnerable.

Vulnerable to emptiness, sadness, loneliness and all other so called versions of depression. I don’t want to be! Seriously, I have spent few months in that phase and it kills. It literally spreads like a virus crashing your system.

emptiness-imageI tried to generate, I tried to distract myself, I tried to face it, deal with it, I even tried to ignore it but uhh no luck. Its giving me a company everywhere I go since few days. Every laugh, every happiness has a slight flavor of unfulfillment.

I thought about it a lot.. Why has it come back? Why can’t I fight it powerfully this time? Why is it lingering here for 3-4 days? I have everything then what do I need? But still no answer.

Some of the weird speculations that i story-lined myself were..

I think I need a Solo travel to figure out what I really want in life.

I think I need to be workaholic so these thoughts will not come in my way

I think I need to go on a long vacation with my family

I think I want to write a novel

I think I need to learn dancing

I think I need to take a break for a month from everything

I think I need to start something new of my own

I think I need to start social work in some aspect

I think I want to just take-off somewhere with a friend

I think I want to move to a different city or country..

Uff Everything is unreal and real at the same time! I realized I am trying to find that one thing I can do or have that will change everything forever.

it-s-me_designThat’s so silly, its no magic. There is no Harry Potter and his wand lying at the corner. There is no such ONE thing, that will make things perfect from almost perfect. Its just ME and my creation that is going to save the day, everyday.

Somewhere I see I have stopped creating my life everyday. My goals and hobbies are in dreams not in existence. I am taking steps to figure out what can move me forward but not really implementing those steps. That’s the reason this stationary passive phase is disturbing me ๐Ÿ˜

So here’s to the creation of Goals today! My mentor said, “its a good day to be powerful in the face of whatever life throws at you”..

So be it ๐Ÿ™‚





Getting it back together…

In last few months, I have seen myself going through the most haunting phase of life. It was that time, when nothing could make me happy or give me a moment of peace. There was just no strength to go on. It looked like everything is falling apart, Relationships were already suffering, but even my personality, my family, dreams seen with people around, ambitions in life etc. I had almost believed that its probably time to pack bags and leave. Alone. Everyday, you are so used to living your life in a certain way , so bloody used to having certain people around you that you don’t realize they might not be there when you are not putting up your great face.

Good or bad. After being left alone to either grow or perish. I realized that, I can look at this as an opportunity to fix things, create something new and start fresh. I thought to myself that people who love me unconditionally don’t deserve this ME. They deserve my love, support and liveliness around me. And I decided to get back!

Its funny how things work sometimes. The moment you decide you wanna come out of the depressing phase, you start seeing the ways in which you can do that. Its awesome to see courage coming back. Patience creeping in your body(that’s the most needed one) My view towards people started changing. I gradually started coping up!

That’s where my Happiness 10 days kicked in…

Freedom One day while lying on bed and feeling happy for no reason at all (which was rare at that time) I decided that for next 10 days I will celebrate Happiness 10 days. I will treat myself for all the Good things I do in my life. I will celebrate being me. I will eat whatever I like, I will do whatever I like and will just go all out and be happy everyday.

The main agenda of this was being able to create happiness when its not automatic to feel that. Its a very different space when your emotions are in your control and you are creating every moment the way you want it. You say it and do itย  OR You say it and It happens. As you are in this profound space all the time, picking up from disappointments becomes easy too. Its not that I wasn’t sad or unhappy or disappointed for these 10days but the point is that in-spite feeling that, I was originally at peace. I could let go my anger or disappointment and get back quickly. I never in those 10days found myself weeping for being helpless. I never found myself lying on bed feeling down and thinking that nothing is going to change.

I planned every day and executed every day just the way I wanted to. When I fell short of doing that, I picked myself again. Happiness 10days were meant only for me but I am sure everyone who met me in those 10days had real fun too. They experienced a very different me than usual. They liked being around me, debate with me, share things, demand things and most importantly they and I both felt connected to each other.

I understood the power of creation in those 10days.

My friend suggested that, I should be aware of how days are passing by and share about it with everyone. Although I wasn’t that aware of every moment, I still have a list full of things to share what I did for succeeding in Happiness 10days campaign( sucha marketing word). Stay on for my next blog with elated version of those 10days :-)..