What Can I say! It just does.. No matter what, you just cant control it at times!
Well all relationships are going strong, work is good, goals & aspirations are in front, people are appreciating everything I do… Everything seems to be almost perfect. But somewhere something is missing. Unless I meet this missing, I will be vulnerable.
Vulnerable to emptiness, sadness, loneliness and all other so called versions of depression. I don’t want to be! Seriously, I have spent few months in that phase and it kills. It literally spreads like a virus crashing your system.
I tried to generate, I tried to distract myself, I tried to face it, deal with it, I even tried to ignore it but uhh no luck. Its giving me a company everywhere I go since few days. Every laugh, every happiness has a slight flavor of unfulfillment.
I thought about it a lot.. Why has it come back? Why can’t I fight it powerfully this time? Why is it lingering here for 3-4 days? I have everything then what do I need? But still no answer.
Some of the weird speculations that i story-lined myself were..
I think I need a Solo travel to figure out what I really want in life.
I think I need to be workaholic so these thoughts will not come in my way
I think I need to go on a long vacation with my family
I think I want to write a novel
I think I need to learn dancing
I think I need to take a break for a month from everything
I think I need to start something new of my own
I think I need to start social work in some aspect
I think I want to just take-off somewhere with a friend
I think I want to move to a different city or country..
Uff Everything is unreal and real at the same time! I realized I am trying to find that one thing I can do or have that will change everything forever.
That’s so silly, its no magic. There is no Harry Potter and his wand lying at the corner. There is no such ONE thing, that will make things perfect from almost perfect. Its just ME and my creation that is going to save the day, everyday.
Somewhere I see I have stopped creating my life everyday. My goals and hobbies are in dreams not in existence. I am taking steps to figure out what can move me forward but not really implementing those steps. That’s the reason this stationary passive phase is disturbing me 😐
So here’s to the creation of Goals today! My mentor said, “its a good day to be powerful in the face of whatever life throws at you”..
So be it 🙂