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Journey

5 things my BF’s must have hated in me…

Oh Yes !! Those of you who have been In and Out of Love, very well know how much of our lives have been impacted because of our relationships…Thankfully its true for Guys and girls 😉

One thing I’m dead sure, that guys who I have been close to Loved me with all their heart. At some point, they loved me more than anything else in life. But there also came a time, when they hated me from the core 😛

1. I Over-Share.. Well yes, I agree I do!

I want to share about the good movie I watched, excellent book that I read, romantic restaurant I went to or a blessed vacation I went to. Who likes a girl for long who talks too much or who wants you to share everything 😉

On top that, I hate to keep secrets. So I can imagine the frustration guys must have gone through because no one would like their good or bads to be published on the blog or spoken out in friends. Love is such an important thing in my life that at times, I just cant control but share with the world what you are or who you are to me.

Isn’t blogging one of the results of over-sharing 😛

2. I Over-Give in the relationship.. Heard of anyone who gives 110% in the relationship? 😉

I don’t get tired or bored of a person. I certainly can’t be mad for more than few hours( it was minutes once) So no matter what happens, If I am in love… I am always caring about you, your family, your health, your work, your aspirations and all your needs. I like to know everything and be an integral part of your life. I have no regrets in compromising my own plans if its going to give him happiness. I care more than imagined or expected.

Guys need so called space all the time ;-0, and I certainly suck at giving that!

3. I don’t like change.. If the one I love starts behaving differently its utterly difficult for me to cope!

I wait for that I love you message, casual conversation about the day, plans to meet next time or need the feeling connected always. If that doesn’t happen, it makes me restless. I expect a guy to put his commitment towards the relation first, even when we have had steaming fights 😉 Which guy on earth will do this 😉

Guys don’t like to be so emotionally connected everyday, they like to be there when they feel like it. Freaking Unbalanced scenario.

4. I am emotionally dependent.. I hate this one too!

My happiness, sadness or peace of mind depends on the partner. A fight or misunderstanding affects me like you cant imagine. I sulk, I am disoriented, I get into depression or just fall ill. It definitely might be scaring the hell out of a guy to cope up with a girl like this. I am just so used to that person being around in all good or bad moments that I loose the sight of tomorrow, if even the thought of he not being there approaches me.

They say, a girl is only a sweet friend till she is independent and not emotional !

5. You are my fairytale.. Lol.. my partners have criticized me most for this!

If we are in love, going strong then you are as good as that absolutely stunning character in a romantic novel or Jerry in PS I love you! I will gift you , I will surprise you, I will make romantic plans, I would treat our togetherness as the most important thing, I will go to any limits to support you or I will do just anything to make you happy. For me constraints of Money, Time, People or Engagements matter very less because all along you are my first priority. Most of the guys don’t treat their relation as priority..

Naturally the pressure of keeping up with my all time enthusiastic soul must be difficult 😉

With all said and done, my relationships have always ROCKED like hell 😉 With no pretense, no manipulation..only naturally flowing emotions from both (love or hate) they are PURE!!

Everyone who has been close to me deserve to be awarded for keeping up with me at some point and still loving me incredibly 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

 

Categories
Journey

Getting it back together…

In last few months, I have seen myself going through the most haunting phase of life. It was that time, when nothing could make me happy or give me a moment of peace. There was just no strength to go on. It looked like everything is falling apart, Relationships were already suffering, but even my personality, my family, dreams seen with people around, ambitions in life etc. I had almost believed that its probably time to pack bags and leave. Alone. Everyday, you are so used to living your life in a certain way , so bloody used to having certain people around you that you don’t realize they might not be there when you are not putting up your great face.

Good or bad. After being left alone to either grow or perish. I realized that, I can look at this as an opportunity to fix things, create something new and start fresh. I thought to myself that people who love me unconditionally don’t deserve this ME. They deserve my love, support and liveliness around me. And I decided to get back!

Its funny how things work sometimes. The moment you decide you wanna come out of the depressing phase, you start seeing the ways in which you can do that. Its awesome to see courage coming back. Patience creeping in your body(that’s the most needed one) My view towards people started changing. I gradually started coping up!

That’s where my Happiness 10 days kicked in…

Freedom One day while lying on bed and feeling happy for no reason at all (which was rare at that time) I decided that for next 10 days I will celebrate Happiness 10 days. I will treat myself for all the Good things I do in my life. I will celebrate being me. I will eat whatever I like, I will do whatever I like and will just go all out and be happy everyday.

The main agenda of this was being able to create happiness when its not automatic to feel that. Its a very different space when your emotions are in your control and you are creating every moment the way you want it. You say it and do it  OR You say it and It happens. As you are in this profound space all the time, picking up from disappointments becomes easy too. Its not that I wasn’t sad or unhappy or disappointed for these 10days but the point is that in-spite feeling that, I was originally at peace. I could let go my anger or disappointment and get back quickly. I never in those 10days found myself weeping for being helpless. I never found myself lying on bed feeling down and thinking that nothing is going to change.

I planned every day and executed every day just the way I wanted to. When I fell short of doing that, I picked myself again. Happiness 10days were meant only for me but I am sure everyone who met me in those 10days had real fun too. They experienced a very different me than usual. They liked being around me, debate with me, share things, demand things and most importantly they and I both felt connected to each other.

I understood the power of creation in those 10days.

My friend suggested that, I should be aware of how days are passing by and share about it with everyone. Although I wasn’t that aware of every moment, I still have a list full of things to share what I did for succeeding in Happiness 10days campaign( sucha marketing word). Stay on for my next blog with elated version of those 10days :-)..

 

 

 

Categories
My Insights

What Modiji really did to us..Respect!

While tweeting on @mrunmayeeap all afternoon today, I realized few things that Modi and his stand did to us..

A year back I was a girl who used to say, who cares who is leading the country. Nothing can change in this country, its going to go like that. My average duration in a week to watch News was hardly 10min on TV and half an hour everyday in newspapers. I snapped at everyone who saw News for  a longtime, I snapped at my family for irritating me with watching News debates on TV. I am not a teenager, but my attitude towards country’s politics was always like that.

Then BJP declared Modiji as PM candidate and things started changing. I started hearing statements like “If Modi wins, I’m telling you things will change” “If he gets elected, we have some hope” “I hope he wins, he will straighten these idiots”. My ears let it sink it one by one. Then people started talking about his speeches and the way he talks. Then people started talking about his clear goals, his cut-throat action plans, his straight-forward questions. Then people started following his tweets, articles written about him. Then people started trending about him, started writing about him on facebook, started promoting him on whatsapp, started speaking good about him in public. Then people started tracking his progress on his propositions, how he reacts to allegations done against him. Then people skipped dinner plans to watch his interviews in Aap ki Adalat etc. Then people started tracking his Sabha’s city after city, the speeches he made, the popularity he got, the total number of public that he drew.

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If you are following me then you would see how the interest levels changed. We, specially the cynical uninterested generation like me could not resist but follow him. He knew somewhere we have goodness in our hearts and love for the country, he just channelized that thought. He just kept on repeating and repeating his intentions of growth and governance so many times that we started coming out of our resentment about the government. We always spoke about bad things happening around, suddenly we started talking about what Good can happen. We started talking about possibilities of happiness, good times, better opportunities, secure country and strong leadership. We started living the dream that he himself lives.

And on the day of voting unlike all previous years, there was a NaMo wave in the air. Everyone was excited to vote. Companies gave holidays to employees in order to vote. And people voted more than any year before. They tweeted, posted, instagrammed everywhere about voting.

Then on the day of Election results while looking at the scoreboards and the Orange color spread over entire country, everyone realized that not only I voted for NaMo my family, my neighbor, my boss, my colleagues, my reportees, my friends every person I know voted for him.

HE ACTUALLY DID HIS FIRST JOB OF BEING A PRIME MINISTER EVEN BEFORE BEING ONE. HE GOT US UNITED TO VOTE FOR STRONG LEADERSHIP AND HOPE FOR BETTER INDIA.

We became sensitive towards our love for the country. We realized our duties for the country. We started talking positive of the country. We started believing once again.

Now waiting for our Prime Minister Elect Mr. Narendra Modi to take control and lead it to the growth. Three cheers for Growth, Prosperity, Peace and Harmony!

Thanks to Modiji, once again feeling of being an Indian is as alive as it ever was!

 

 

 

 

Categories
Silent Thoughts

Mr. McDreamy…Dreaming along!

You are all I need , to be free.

You are my life time guarantee.

Coz i know i think of you when i am down and feelin blue

You know the days go by, they never end

It’s like they never end until tomorrow

Coz you are my lifetime guarantee

You are all I need, to be free.

Meredith sees him in the corridor of hospital , exhales a sigh which meant ‘shit I want him so badly’, feels helpless and calls him Mr. McDreamy

A grey eyed guy with crop beard , little sad face, average-ish physique , stands-out in 50 people , intelligent, humorous, lightening gaze which looks within and walks like a college guy who has no worry whatsoever. That’s Mr. McDreamy (Patrick Dempsey ) from Grey’s Anatomy.

Now you might think whats so special about him that he landed up as a topic of the blog? Well Nothing and Everything. He is perfectly imperfect. Just the way I like it.

He would wear this Orange Tee and sit at the bar enjoying his drink alone. Not talking much just thinking to himself. And a girl comes n sits beside him. He looks at her, and finds her cute says “wow she has a nice smile”. Starts talking, about the weather and work and falls for her. Eventually she falls in his arms perfectly.

That’s all how it started and went on..

Patrick-DempseyAfter a long thought,I realized I like the idea of him from the core.

A soft spoken guy making the first move, making you feel the pain in your guts because of the way he treats you, who talks endlessly about past future work dreams friends family just anything, includes you in his life in a moment, a guy who doesn’t think too much of the consequences, who takes a step first just realizing the connection two people share, who is not bound by stupid conversations of society, morality, who accepts you the way you are, who cares for your family the way you do, who puts himself second when you are around, who gets angry very quickly because he cant stand the mediocrity, who guides you in your work, who compels you to go forward and try new things, who kicks you in your butt if you dont perform, who teaches you things which you need support in, who takes you as a partner, listens to your suggestions, shares his worries and problems with you, who takes your support whenever necessary, who fulfills his responsibilities well, who doesnt just doesnt let you pay 😉 who takes you as his property at the same time gives you your space, who doesnt expect too much, who cant see you with any other guy, who doesn’t like public display of affection, who would go any heights to help you in trouble, who touches you and fills you up with love and care, whose intimacy is not bound by physical attraction but by the commitment, sometimes you will find him extremely cold hearted, sometimes you will find him stubborn and extremely egoistic, but when you think straight you will understand he is just keeping it real, a guy who will fight with you, make you angry deeply, who will neglect you, who will not talk to you for days , not say I love you for days together but will not move from his commitment an inch, who makes you fall for him everyday some more, beside him you feel completeYou feel completely loved.

Patrick-Dempsey-Male-Celebrity-WallpaperMr. McDreamy is like a sunshine who would brighten up your life and a moonlight who would fill your life with stars and romance. This is one character on TV which i lose my sleep and hunger over. I clearly know this craziness is completely crazy but seriously there is no control over some things in life or rather you dont want to have control over some things in life.

Every-time I watched him on screen, I would melt down with the idea of having a guy like that in life..but never found a face matching that character.

Until I found HIM. I just did. Like from no where, he just landed in front of me. Call it a Destiny, call it a Coincidence, call it a Serendipity. I just found him.

Its been some time, I hope he still remembers that he is still my “Mr. McDreamy”..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Categories
Journey

For the love of ..Love Characters!

Reading, its one thing that fills me up and takes me to a calmer place.

My genre usually revolves around Love Stories.

May it be literature based like Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice or Paulo Coelho’s 11 Minutes . It also travels to a distance where Stephanie Meyer’s Twilight series takes my breath away. And further explores its sexual passionate side with EL James Fifty Shades of Grey series.

When i did some thinking , I realized one unique thing I always like in books is exploring yourself and breaking free from barriers. Till date I have only completed and loved the books, with whom I could connect. Characters of the novels, become part of my life. They are in my talks , my thoughts all the time. There is a special bond that gets created between the characters and me.

Specially girls who are exploring their nature, their love interest, their relationship with parents, career options and sexual passion and Men (mind me not Boys) who are Dominant, Caring, Subtly loving, Extravagantly demanding, utterly responsible & irresponsible at the same time, with unique work interest and who don’t need a girls words to understand her feelings whoo me away 😉

To elaborate on Men (not Boys) Boys in real life or characters are usually confused, impatient and few feets above ground and they certainly don’t know how to move a girl from her from roots when it comes to ultimate pleasure or making her feel secured. And most importantly I always like Men characters who know what they want to do in life. Who do something that’s unique and good for the society.

Ahh who doesn’t have a definition for a perfect guy 😉

Our society has a notion of tagging love stories and love story lovers as freaks or useless! But those who do; don’t know the charm of it all.

Love stories plated in ancient emperors era, in Indian Modern era, in Indian mid-80’s era , in United states some small countryside, in Europe’s small town, in Greek’s some ancient village, in Bangkok’s hotels etc. are all unique in themselves. They take you around the lovely scenic, the famous history, people from different cultures, people from different point of views, people with unprecedented love for art, technology or money, people with unique work interests right from being a writer, to being a social worker  to businessman to a prostitute… It fills you up with experiences.

When they fall in love, you fall in love. When they attempt suicide, you feel the pain. When they feel lost in their jobs n life, you understand the similarity with your life. When life teaches them things, you learn. When they are left heartbroken, you cry. When they are making love, you feel the urge. When they grow, you grow your circle. Novels specially some love stories have soul , they reach within you and makes you feel things.

Veronica from “Veronica decides to die” showed me how to come out of depression in life. Maria from “11 Minutes” showed me how a sensitive, ordinary girl like us who’s a prostitute explores her life and love,  Anna in “50 shades of Grey Series” showed how an ordinary middle class girl explores her sexual side, deals with a filthy rich boyfriend and explores her passion for writing, Deb from “If its not forever, its not love” showed me how intense love goes through difficult situations and still succeeds… The list is endless!

Valley-of-flowers

For me reading is therapy and love stories are like flowerbed till you can possibly see filled with lovely colors and different flowers..For the love of love characters 🙂

 

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My Insights Observations

Valentines Day..Uff not again!

Seriously, who created this day! The much I thank god for creating Birthdays , is the much I hate whoever created Valentines day!

Its been many years I have been In love, experienced many forms of love and shared lovely relationships..But boy this day is definitely over-hyped than any other celebrations..

I always face a profound battle between my girly expectations and practical thinking.

To clarify it more .. I badly expect my lover to plan for everything and making me feel like princess, getting roses and chocolate cake and a gift and telling me how much he loves me, how much he wants me in his life and trust me the list has few more pointers… 😉

CelebrateValentines_DayChocolate_freecomputerdesktopwallpaper_2560But at the same time I think, what bullshit is this? its a normal everyday sort of day. I already know he loves me, he says that everyday, I already know how much he wants me in his life, he doesn’t need to get roses, gifts and plan a lavish evening to tell me that, he already takes care of me so well; I don’t need to be felt like princess just for one day.. and it goes on..

But I know myself very well.. No matter how practically I think, I would still expect him to meet me, make plans with me and make the evening special..

After experiencing the same dilemma every year, facing good & bad valentines day, overwhelming happiness & utter disappointments and realization, I believe its time to really dig into this.

Expectations and disappointments are not new to anyone. But why expect so much on this bloody valentine’s day! I did some so called thinking.. I think there is something beyond feeling special that you expect that day. We live in a very volatile & unsteady world which is a huge hiccup in our romantic relationships. Catching-up, roaming around, sharing with each other, having someone around when you need, doing what you like together etc. all of this has become very rare. You really have to try and take efforts to be with each other to spend some quality time. And everything you do comes with a expiry duration tag.

I think on that ONE day, you want that piece of your quality time, feel of early days of relationship , freedom from worries of work & money and just some rosy time with your loved one. Its probably the Rightful day that has gotten created, for the two people to get along and speak about them , their future, their plans and their relationship. Its one day , when the two people hold hands and plan what happens next with them.

Its Sweet, Pure , Genuine and Romantic!

But one should never wait for other person to plan. Initiating to make the evening special is not over-hyped at all, its nice and might not lead to disappointments. Expectations are good but waiting for someone to take an action  and letting it lead to disappointment & fight is definitely not good for any relationship.

So this valentines day I have decided to Expect with my full heart and plan.. Whatever happens, I already know he loves me.. ;););)

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My Insights

Wohhoo! its feels great to be back here..

Somewhere in last few months, i reduced writing! I was thinking why that happened..

I just realized I write when I’m emotionally composed. I cherish writing as a hobby it comes to me naturally.When relationships, friendships, work, feeling of being contented and career growth are going well (hand-in-hand) then I’m composed. Or else I behave like a disoriented child who doesn’t have a clue of whats happening around 😉

So that suggests that now I’m sort of living the best time of life..

Seriously what else one needs in life.. A loving & understanding husband, an always there kind of best-friend, few good friends , gradual career growth, getting to work on new things , getting to learn new things, earning enough (but not enough) and most importantly rock solid support & love by family!

Shakkkyyy  -> More Shakkkyyy -> Getting Better -> Stabilizing ————-> Stable

Last 3-4 years, I realize now how its shaped. I’m still at Stabilizing mode, but hope to cross that phase soon.

So I’m going to write more.. More about my experiences, my friends, my work experiences and relationships.. Yesterday a friend of mine insisted that I should not stop writing and here I am thanks to her !

Yo 2014!

Categories
Journey

Emotional dependency..it does take away my sleep!

Dependency, how much role does this play in our daily life? I would say a lot actually !

They divide the aspects of dependency into being dependent, independent or interdependent. Being dependent on someone is someone else pulling the strings for you. Being independent is what everyone strives to achieve! In this case, your happiness, success, decisions, consequences and more importantly your sorrows are not dependent on a person or a situation. And being interdependent, that’s how it is everyday. Entangled into many people. May it be your family, lover, friends, colleagues, boss or any damn thing. We all can’t move ahead unless we have a YES from someone. There is always at least one person on whom your things are dependent.

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If you give it a thought, its always gonna be like that! Talk about workplace or home its never gonna change. And probably that’s how we want it to stay. We just don’t realize it that way..

If we are independent of everyone around us then practically we will be all alone. Living life on your own terms without caring about another person’s priorities, work, needs or time, that is a tempting deal but doesn’t come without extreme consequences.

But then why there comes a time in our life when we want to give it a damn, we want to be the way we want. We see ourselves stuck into questions like, “Why the hell I cant just do what I want? Why cant I just be where I want to be? Why the heck I cant choose whom to be with? “. And these questions never give you an answer in return! Then it leads to all kinds of reactions like breakdown, crying, depression, anger, shutting yourself or simply walking away.

I believe “our emotional attachment to a person, decision, result or the consequences leads us into a trap of disappoint and unsatisfaction”. and it turn we loose out on everything.

When you feel that disappointment, don’t react. Wait for a second and think. What do you exactly want?

Take a minute to think. Analyze the situation.

Many situations are much more complex and include dozens of people and varied emotions. But what if we start making an effort to make things hassle free and less messier than they usually get.

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In the end, we are always going to be interdependent but how we turn the disadvantage into advantage will decide the day !!!

What do you think about this?

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Categories
My Insights

Wants…they trick us into going on!!

What do i want? What is it that i really want?

Every time i ask this question to myself, i get a different answer. The voice inside my mind says…

I wanna be free, i wanna travel the world alone and live the way i want, i wanna be successful like others, i wanna take revenge on that one person,  i wanna fulfill every dream of my father, i wanna help others, i wanna be selfless and just devote myself to some great work, i wanna turn back time and be in that moment again, i wanna break-free and re-do everything, i wanna earn loads of money, i wanna marry that one person, i wanna be reckless, i want a shoulder to cry on, i wanna be a writer, i wanna be something different than others, i wanna show the world how much i love him, i wanna cross all limits n show him how much i love him, i wanna break all rules n be on top of my world, i want family, i wanna have my everyday different, i wanna learn dancing, i wanna be beautiful, i wanna take decisions based on what i feel, i wanna be inspiration to others, i wanna set an example, i wanna be careless about future, i wanna do everything in the world to make him happy and i want my death-life decision in my hands….

Oh bugger, i bet the list can go on and on. there is no end to this. Its like I can feel there is one more person inside my head who speaks, thinks, argues, comments and complaints every bloody moment. I wish so many times; what if i wish i had not wanted anything, what if i had been a person with minimum expectations from life, others and myself. then probably this war happening inside would have rested for a moment.

But i guess that’s not gonna happen. I’m gonna keep wanting. I’m gonna keep trying for it. I’m gonna keep getting disappointed. I’m gonna keep failing and succeeding and then again some days down the line i will be sipping a cup of coffee, thinking about myself and feeling screwed up while trying to figure whats happening; i will take a pen and start writing about what i feel. and then it goes on..

Categories
My Insights

Am I a blogging material ?

No I dont think so.

What qualities do you need to be a blogger or a writer ? Probably good vocabulary, own flare of writing, humor once in a while, ability to connect dots, great concepts, passion to write, capability to paint a picture and last but not least you should stick around till you finish your own blog..

Do i have these qualities? Hell no..I believe I have 10% chances of being able to be a blogger in my entire life let alone a popular one..

Then why am i blogging? i asked this question to myself million times.. and the only answer that i got is..Because i want to “express”..

” Express what?” about your everyday life, mistakes that I made recently, momentary happiness I got, failures which made me look like a fool or love that I have for people..

After a lot thinking and cursing myself for writing something which might not make sense to probably even a single human being on this earth..I decided to write..For myself..For my own sake..For expressing my views on things happening around..For letting out my anger..For gaining energy to go on..For loving the people around me..For showing a way to my experiences…

” Writing just to express”..anything at all!

Do you think it makes sense? Do you think we should use writing as a tool to feel happy?